Creeps and Cake.
Dear Creepy Neighbour,
I saw you creeping last night. What you were really doing at 1 and 2 am in your front yard with a tarp, a halogen lamp and a stack of junk I'll never know.
I know what it looked like you were doing. I half expected you to drag a lifeless body out your front door and start rolling that sucker up.
Which is why I felt it was my civic duty as unofficial head of neighbourhood watch to leer out my upstairs window at you. I may or may not have busted out my telescopic camera lens to leer a little closer. Those things don't work so great at night... or so I hear.
Just a word to the wise, try your very best not to do weird things at all hours of the night. I have a very big imagination and it will, without a doubt, conjure up a much more interesting explanation for your midnight activities than the truth. Folding up tarps and shining lights into people's windows doesn't exactly get you invited to all the cool barbecues.
Speaking of which, do you think you can manage not to shine 500 watts of light willy nilly around the block including into my bedroom windows? Halogen work lamps aren't flashlights. That would really help me sleep at night.
And by the way, it's called a yard not a landfill. You have ten square feet of dirt to look after. A patch of grass or even a small tree is much more aesthetically pleasing than a pile of all manner of junk. Do you think you could, oh I don't know, clean that mess up? You know, as long as that doesn't stimulate your trigger itch. I don't want to wind up snug as a bug in a... tarp.
I'd suggest you channel your creepy energy and redirect it on some cake baking. It's a much more constructive task when compared to your regular activities like scaring the neighbours, glaring at pedestrians, harbouring mean cats, collecting broken down piece of junk cars, or hiding bodies in your freezer.
Thanks a bunch.
Sincerely,
That girl across the street.
PS: You don't get any of my cake!
Enlightenment.
It's back to school time. Summer break seems to have gone by so quickly. Being a lady of leisure, I spent this Summer with Lee's daughter, Sable. There was a lot of Mario Kart, cookies, and Mr. Noodle. Oh and high fives, Pictureka and peanut butter and banana sandwiches.
Living in close quarters with a ten year old girl over the Summer break has enlightened me about some interesting life facts that I was not previously aware of...
Like the names of all the main and supporting characters on Suite Life on Deck. I'm sure that information will come in handy some day right?
Or that Mylie Cyrus is actually Hannah Montana. Either that's a revelation or I'm a bit slow on the uptake.
And that Twilight co-stars Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are together in real life. Well good for them. Must make their on-screen romance that much more believable.
Also if you stamp as hard as you can on a trampoline right before your partner bounces you can actually make them jump even higher. Scary high. Whole body over the fence panicky kind of high.
This Summer has also offered up some insights about myself that I never would have realized...
Like the fact that I find myself on Team Edward and I have also incidentally read all four books in the Twilight Saga. But that's neither here nor there...
Or that my fifth favourite colour is actually yellow. Who knew?
And, if made to choose between the life of a vampire, zombie or werewolf, I would prefer that of a werewolf.
On a related topic, in the event of a zombie attack I would seek refuge at Wal-Mart for their extensive gun selection and non-perishable food supplies.
Or that I can eat ten Cheese Nips in under a minute. I know. Impressive right?
Speaking of Cheese Nips, this Alfredo Mac and Cheese is made of them. I'm down with the kids. Cheese is so in. This Mac and Cheese looks all adult with the parsley and sun dried tomatoes, but the kid in you will love it too. Or the kid sitting next to you. Whatever.
Crash.
I'm sick of being sick.
I've been flat on my back eating nothing but handfuls of chicken noodle soup and crackers. Before you start to wonder how exactly you go about clutching a fistful of soup let me distract you with these cookies.
Feel better?
Me too. For now. Otherwise I'd still be asleep and not sharing this recipe with you.
Funny how sometimes you feel worse after starting a course of antibiotics than before. I'd almost rather take my chances with my ear infection than take another one of those giant pills. Almost.
It's the ten day antibiotic crash diet. Emphasis on the word crash.
All the cool kids are doing it. Lose ten pounds in ten days. You'll be half conscious while shuffling around the house like a zombie in wrinkled pjs and sporting unwashed bed head, but hey you'll look fabulous.
Ok so this is getting a little random, a smidgen bitter and my head is starting to feel a bit fuzzy so I'll just shut the heck up and let the cookies speak for themselves.
Turn That Frown Upside Down.
There are some things in the world that are better when turned upside down. It's just a fact.
Frowns for example. You saw that one coming right?
Bats too. When they're upside down they're sleeping instead of flying around in your hair giving you rabies.
Our cat Misty. She loves to lay on her back and look at you funny with her little paws all pulled up and cute. When she's right side up she's kind of a jerk.
A squeeze bottle of honey. Preferably open while upside down over my greedy mouth.
Cake. That's pretty obvious right?
It's peach season. Did you know? Peaches are my favourite fruit. Figures I'd choose a fruit with one of the shortest growing seasons in Canada. I'm sure you can tell I like honey.
I'll stop insulting your intelligence and just get to the point.
It was only a matter of time until I combined two of my very favourite things. Honey and peach. Together at last. And what a lovely cake they made.
Heebee Jeebees.
Popsicles. Is there anything better on a hot Summer day? But it's not all fun and games. There's evil lurking in your popsicle. Splintery, wooden, spongy evil.
Is it just me or does the thought of biting into a refreshing popsicle down to the wooden stick give you the heebee jeebese? It not only ruins the whole experience it also incites a physical reaction in me that is most unpleasant.
You know that feeling when you drag your fingernails across a chalkboard or when you accidentally touch a bug? It feels like you need to chop your fingers off to get rid of the weirdness. Either that or run your fingertips across an SOS pad until the pain replaces the icks.
I used to chew on popsicle sticks when I was a kid then promptly hide them in the basement couch because I was too lazy to take them upstairs to throw them out. The thought of doing that now makes me cringe for a few reasons.
Sorry to make you think of bugs, amputation and skin abrasions while setting eyes on this rainbow of Fruit Punch Yogurt Popsicles. These have plastic sticks so no worries.
Enough of my neurosis. Let's get crack-a-lackin of some popsicles.
Honey for My Honey.
Just bear with me here and allow me to put my serious hat on for a few minutes. If you don't want to read on about a gooey love story and how ridiculously giddy it makes me then I'd suggest you stop now or skip ahead to the cake part. I won't tell. Promise.
A year ago today I had bangs and actually pulled it off nicely. A year ago today I lived three provinces away in a basement apartment where I hid my cat from my landlords. A year ago today I spent more of my free time on the phone than other people spend breathing or blinking. A year ago today I was a bundle of nerves waiting patiently for the love of my life to walk through my door.
We hadn't even met in person and I loved him more than life itself. Naive? Of course. True. Certainly.
Today I've grown out my hair and it doesn't even annoy me. Today I'm sure I have more laugh lines and I don't even care because of how they were gained. Today I woke up next to the man that is my match in every way. Today is our one year anniversary and I couldn't be happier.
Because he holds the truck door for me every time. Because of how safe I feel in his arms. Because of his amazing daughter. Because of how we finish each others sentences. Because of the way he laughs when we do the fist bump explosion. Because of the way his hand fits into mine. I made this Honey Lemon Pound Cake for my Lee, my honey. I love you.
Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice.
The brown sugar is of the dark brown, aka demerara, variety because I've decided it's the best dang sugar on the planet. The spice is cinnamon because, let's face it, it's the rock star of all spices. The everything nice part refers to brown butter because a smidgen of brown butter makes everything nicer.
That's what little girls are supposed to be made of, but instead it's my cake. Let's just be clear that this is 100% cake. No little girls were harmed in the baking of this cake.
Anyhoo...
A little off topic, but did I ever mention how much I hate ribbon roses? Well I do. They're not nice, unlike brown butter. I spent hours of quality time with my piping bag practicing the technique and I only got these eight measly excuses for ribbon roses. I also spent those hours swearing very unlike a little girl. Ok, so they're not half bad, but my perfectionist brain disagrees.
They say practice makes perfect, but what if I don't want to have anything to do with these little monsters anymore? Let's just settle for mediocre ribbon roses shall we? Ok deal.
I’ve Got Owls. Yes I Do.
I've got owls. Yes I do. I've got owls. How 'bout you?
I'm sure you've noticed recently that owls are the new trend. Owl earrings. Owl jewelry boxes. Owl cookie jars. Owl hot plates. Owl figurines. Owl everything!
I heart owls. I also sort of hate that they're so trendy now.
Do you ever really love something then realize it's so totally in style right now? I hate that! There's always that little voice taunting me in the back of my head calling me a sheep and inferring awful things about brainwashing and bandwagons. Stupid voice. I wish it would shut up.
Like polka dots. And turquoise. And vests. And damask print. And vintage style. And now owls.
So you can never be sure if your love of said thing is sincere or if you've just been made to think it is.
Really though, does it matter? I'm just happy to love stuff. And I do. A lot. Is that bad? Does that make me materialistic? Oh, who cares!
Do you remember my rant about my love of design on a dime schemes? While I very much love stuff, I'm not prepared to pay a lot for said stuff. Instead of shopping to buy things, I shop to get ideas.
So a while ago I saw these adorable and unfortunately a little country owl figurines at the Dollarama. I love their expressions and how each is uniquely cute. But that green is bleh. Just downright awful looking.
I had one of those light-bulb-over-head kind of moments. Instead of buying this sweet little owl lantern or this cooky owl cookie jar I decided to make my own for a fraction of the cost of course. I could spray paint these cheap little cuties whatever colour I wanted to fit into any colour scheme I desired.
So there you have it. Four modern trendy owl figurines for under ten bucks.
So Next Season.
I know, I know. I'm weird.
Who makes something maple flavoured in the Summer? In case you can't see, that would be me reluctantly raising my hand.
It's like I'm just asking for it. I'm tempting the fates. Tomorrow all the leaves are going to turn orange and fall from the trees. And it will be all my fault. If that happens I take full responsibility. And if that happens you'll at least have some appropriate cookies for the premature Autumn season.
I guess I could have tucked away this little gem and waited patiently for the next season. Do I strike you as a patient person?
Let me explain the method to my madness. Remember when I made these Maple Bacon Oatmeal Muffins? Well I had some maple syrup leftover and I couldn't see that sugary heaven go to waste so I planned these lovely Maple Banana Whoopie Pies.
I had exactly one cup of maple syrup left. Did I plan it that way or am I just that lucky? Why can't I be lucky with something useful like the lottery or Kitchen Aid giveaways? Whatever. I'll take what I can get.
And if licking the measuring cup clean of any maple syrup residue is wrong then I don't want to be right.
Cupcake Confessional.
I have a confession to make.
Are you ready?
Like really ready?
Ok, here goes.
I'm 41.
Ok no, not really. You should see your face. I couldn't keep a straight face on that one either.
Let me clarify. According to my Wii I'm 41. My Wii thinks I'm 41. Should this offend me? Because it does. I have been insulted by a tiny white box.
I took the Wii Sports fitness test last night and let's just say the results were less than desirable. Really though, what does the ability to volley a virtual tennis ball into a target have to do with my level of fitness? Or the talent of dodging virtual training balls being lobbed at me randomly? Or being able to curve a virtual bowling ball? I'm quite good at that one by the way. One of those life skills that will certainly come in handy in the future. There will be a bowling ball curving emergency somewhere someday I'm sure of it.
Basically the Wii is an elaborate game system designed entirely to make you look stupid. Yes, the truth is out folks. Let's be honest here, it's not like you were really worried about looking cool while cow racing, swerving around goombas or collecting star bits.
I dare you to try to not wave your arms around like a spazz while boxing and whip someone in the face with the nunchuk cord. Yeah that didn't happen. I dare you not to get the overwhelming urge to whip the remote at the TV when you miss the tennis ball for the umpteenth time. That may or may not have happened. Tell me you never threw a temper tantrum and blamed the game before. Tell me you were never in a bad mood for half the day because you didn't round that corner just right to avoid the Shy Guy. You never slung insults at the screen after falling through the same star shaped hole in the Rocky Road?
No? Just me then? Oh.
Maybe I'm bitter because my Wii called me 41. Maybe I've been eating too many of these Devil's Food Cupcakes. Maybe it's worth it.
Yes. Yes, it definitely is.
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